He stuck his index finger up my arse. Then he twisted, and turned, wiggled around a bit and poked left, right, up and down. And then twisted some more. Do you know the sensation of needing to relieve yourself so badly that it almost hurts? And that you then sit down on the toilet and you hardly have to do anything to let the big, brown sausages out and you are forever grateful for them leaving your body so easily? Well, the finger up my arse made me feel like I needed to relieve myself so badly that it actually hurt, but instead of being grateful to get the sausages out, I was tortured by having something shoved in, which made me want to shit even more badly, and it put a plug up my anus too!

I began to think that his finger would never come out, and I was already contemplating what the best way would be to forcefully remove it. I couldn't walk forwards as I was jammed against a high bench, leaning over it, so all I could think of doing was wagging around like a dog as if I had a tail... but I controlled myself and let him get on with his work. Poor doctor. Fancy having to literally feel around inside somebody's arse!

The day after that I dreamed about my general practitioner. I was sitting very closely next to him on a benchy settee, at a table. He gathered about ten people around that table to discuss me. I didn't mind at all, because I knew he was doing that because he loved me so much and he wanted to be sure he was doing the right thing; prescribing the right medication and so on.

Physically he's not that attractive, my doctor, but he's not ugly. He is very young, and very, very caring, thoughtful, considerate, helpful, willing and kind. I suppose those features are more or less obligatory for a G.P., but it is so utterly his own nature, it just appeals to me. I admire it greatly, show a lot of respect and gratitude for it and to be honest, it even attracts me.

I know that he's at least fond of me. But come on [My name]'s brain, stop that thought right there!

(He even started blabbering in English to me when I arrived, a very long sort of welcoming chat, and I just couldn't figure out what he was saying, because I was expecting Dutch from his mouth, and he talks fast so I didn't have the rest to detect a different language. Oops. But how sweet.)

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I feel so