You know, I'm getting generally pissed off with the way all the different browsers work. It's so fucking annoying. I just downloaded the newest available Internet Explorer (5.1 for Mac OS), and it doesn't even understand "height" attributes in the "td" tags in tables!

So as a result of me now using 5.1 I see all my coloured link blobs to the right and left of my entry spread out equally right to the bottom of the page. They're supposed to all be at the top of the sides, just 15 pixels apart! Stupid Microsoft. Stupid Bill Gates. Stupid all his employees. They can't even think that previous knowledge should be included in an improved version. That's the most pathetic thing I've ever come across. If it goes on like this nothing will ever improve, just change, change, change, change and change.

I don't trust any more that any of you see my diary layout the way I designed it. There's absolutely no guarantee that my code will work. It's like all the Java Scripts that used to work in version 4, but are now no longer supported by 5. It's so disgusting. I really, really loathe the dirty trick. They make people have to update to be able to view things properly, as everything gets its new codes. I'm so repelled. Bastards.

(And don't you dare try to view my diary in Netscape, I just can't believe the mess it makes in a browser window. Everything's scattered about it's just so much crap, it's not fair, it's not tolerable.)

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I feel so

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I just dropped my parents and siblings off at the airport. That is so strange. Usually it's the parents who take their children somewhere and leave them. Now it was the other way around. I was driving too. In my mum's car, isn't that strange? I thought so. It's raining outside, it's a very miserably grumpy day, and we skid a little on a turn off from the motor way where a gentle bend suddenly changed to a 90� corner. And getting into the right lane approaching the airport was a disaster (well, I just screamed "WHERE DO I GO?!" and my dad said "Middle lane, stay where you are." so it was easy actually :P).

The weirdest part though, is where we said goodbye. My mum kissed me. Oh my god. I really, really didn't know what to think. The last time something similar happened I was nine! I never let her near me, not even an accidental touch or rub. No hugs, no way. And now she kissed my cheek. I felt so strange, I think I backed away a little, stiffened, held my arms straight down along my body, and thought no, she's got lipstick on, I'm going to have to rub my cheek clean!

My mother smiled as she stepped back when she'd accomplished her mission. Yes, it was a mission. Between my ninth year and now there has only been one (!) occasion on which my mother touched me. Or rather, on which I let my mother touch me. That was when I-can't-remember-what happened at school and I came home furious and slammed the kitchen door shut by which the kitchen window shattered to bits all over the kitchen floor, my (leather � and therefore sliced by the glass) shoes, and the ground outside. It must have been a Thursday because it was my turn to cook: I remember phoning my mum at work and asking what she had planned for me to cook and what time she was going to be home for dinner. She didn't answer the questions, she just said "[my name], what's wrong, what happened?" and when the reply was nothing but more tears and upset she said, "Okay, I'm coming home right now. I'll be there in twenty minutes." and hung up.

I was crying my eyes out sitting on the settee when she got back, leaning forward with my head in my hands, and she sat next to me and held my shoulders, occasionally rubbing my back. That's the only time she ever touched me until the kiss this morning.

That's weird.
And I didn't know what to think or do then, either. I remember I didn't really like it, I wanted to back away but that would've hurt her very much, and the settee ended right next to me too, so I couldn't anyway.

And what did I do the second I got back home just now? Cleaned. The. House. That's so ridiculous. I cleared up all their mess, tidied the washing away, the dishes, emptied and filled the dishwasher, did more washing... I can't believe it. I just hate mess. That's the hugest reason why I feel so cramped in this house. It's huge, packed full, messy, and everybody's stuff is scattered around everywhere.

Violin, here I come.

~ Peace and quiet ~