I am just stuck waiting in misery and I haven't a clue what to do.

I should probably do nothing, but it is so agonising. Especially knowing that he who I so dearly love is severely unhappy also, and that I am to blame for all. Especially not knowing what the plans or progresses are, or what is going to become of this.

I do not want to be the cause of any kind of drama. I do not want to be the cause of any upset or hurt.
But I don't want to live my life knowing I wasn't worth a break up after all. Fuck, that sounds so arrogant. (And I don't like those words, i.e. "break up".)

There is another female, you see. An attached-to female.
Hence the often repeated in the event that it would be permissible in the last entry.

I am just stuck waiting in misery and I haven't a clue how long for.

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I feel so