It scares the hell out of me, to drive my motorbike. I only weigh about 47 kilos... and when it's windy like it is right now I just get pushed all over the place on the motorway. It's just utterly bloodcurdling.

But isn't it a lovely thing. Ooooh it's so much fun. Vrooooooom!

I really don't know why I didn't go to the practical today. It was early, yes. But was it really too early? They've given me exemption for the first semester of the first year, because I've already got my first year's certificate in Biomedical Sciences from the University of Durham, so really I didn't have to go. But I've decided I want to go to all the practicals anyway, because well, they're interesting, they're instructive, they're different from the practicals I did in Durham and they give me a chance to get to know at least some of my fellow students before I come and officially join them in February... but most of all it gives me a chance to get used to going places again, I'll be able to slowly stream back into regular schedules and daily obligations.

So did I not go because I was smart enough to know I wouldn't feel well enough; that my night's rest would be disturbed too often by nightly toilet visits and that the general sleep time would be too little because I didn't get to bed properly until after 1am (even though I decided at 10pm already that I wouldn't go)? Or did I just not go because I felt like doing nothing; because I've got so used to being lazy; because I thought it was too much hassle to put on all my motorbike gear and drive off into the stormy rain; because I just felt like sleeping in and pretending there's nothing important for me to be doing...

Those two reasons are so hard to keep apart. I didn't know it's so hard to be true to even one's self.

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I feel so