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Sometimes, little elves and fairies just fly off without a warning; they disappear into the fresh night air and never return, or they wander off down the road, zigzagging their way into a new environment and you never see them again. But not this time. I never went. I was right here, but just did not make a sound.

But of course, I'm neither an elf nor a fairy, taking no notice of the fact that some people like the sound of calling me either one sometimes.

Here's what lured me back into the land of writing � writing while there is de facto no time for it at all:

The security policy in this company is rather odd.

"Do not leave pencils with sharp points on your desk. If you pick up a pencil grab the unsharpened end. If you give your colleague a pencil or scissors, make sure you hand over the secure side first."

Apparently they make a lot of fuss about accidents here. They are anxious to keep their good name.
Outside the building is a big electronic *thing* displaying the following words: "... days since last accident. Have a nice weekend. Make it a safe one!"

This is worrying.
I started thinking about this and realized how many dangers actually surround us. And I realized there is very little chance that I can come through this month without causing or suffering some kind of an accident. Paperclips lying around. Thumbnails on the floor. Slippery stairs, closing lift doors. Not even mentioned all these machines designed to make holes in paper and other materials, cut things and destroy documents.

These people are absolutely right. This is a place of hidden death, waiting to pop out and stab.

By the beloved Jenny, August 2001.

As for my own doings this past month, I found a perfectly annoying and horridly tiring, but ever so pleasing pastime to busy myself with for the remainder of my summer holidays. I decided I needed a new bow. No, I'm not into archery, I play violin of course, and without a bow, that's impossible. It took me over two months to decide on which one I wanted. Believe me, you just cannot imagine how hard it is to find the right bow. Especially when prices can vary from about �100 to �40,000, and there's nobody willing to give me a budget...

I started with a collection of bows about �300. I ended up with my favourite, of course, which was thrice that. It took me so long to find it. It was such a devastating search, I almost gave up in despair. But now, I am so brilliantly happy with it. I love it to bits, and the joy I feel whilst playing it is so delightful. Magnificent.

And as a more personal note: I am doing very, very well. But, as there is always a "but" stuck to any kind of positive comment (have you ever noticed that?), I am only doing so well if you single me out from society, look at nothing and nobody but me, and analyse with only the most superficial tools.

Home is driving me crazy. My mother is. The mess is. My sister is the most tiring adolescent. My brother is sweet, but totally disgusting (don't watch him while he eats, sits on the toilet with the door wide open, pretends to brush his teeth comes home from school all sweaty and dirty, wobbling on his city bike). My father is endearing, but so ignorant and he keeps at a distance lately, suppressed by my mother's ranting moans and hysterical accusations concerning his mild and honest personality. And the dog, the poor, poor dog, is the most stinking thing in the world. It is so sad, he is hardly looked after and he's just rotting away, literally. He's scratching himself to death, he has hardly any fur left and the bearing skin is red and saw, the dog is cripple and stiff, and getting old. I can't stand the site of him, merely because I can't do anything about it and he is dreadfully unhappy.

I need to get out of here.
Now.

For those who are interested in my relief: I have now officially applied through UCAS (by snail mail, and on real paper made from trees) to five different Universities in England, for three different courses. BioMedical Sciences at University of Durham, Nottingham Trent University and University of the West of England, Bristol; Music at University of Durham; and Medicine at University of Nottingham and University of Bristol. All I have to do now, is wait till I receive the confirmation card of my application, and then until I receive information telling me which universities accept me. That's when I'll need to start making more choices. I'm excited.

It's back to school again though now. It has been for the last three weeks. My last school year. Pull me through. I'm over ripe for the next step.

~ Independence ~